I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
