All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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