theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize