Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
