we have officially lost it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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