At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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