Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
