i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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