So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize