was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
