i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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