so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We need to get me chipped asap
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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