hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
