I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
