just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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