so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All I want is dick and wine.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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