That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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