The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
