ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
