Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
