so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
