the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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