then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think my vagina is haunted
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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