i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
