u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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