apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
we're so committed to being not committed
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