All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
