Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
