I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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