even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
