i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
