Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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