better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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