hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
