I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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