Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize