I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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