Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
