the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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