Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
