At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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