you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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