you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
