What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
