saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
