So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
