I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
