dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
