i just sent this text using only my big toe
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
