i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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