i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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