Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
