i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All the doctor said was why
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
