we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
