I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
