what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
