I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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