If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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