hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
