Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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