Will you blow on my dice?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Randomize
