a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize