I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
