one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
