I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Even my vagina gasped.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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