Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize