Don't make out with my wife yet
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
