Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
