I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
