walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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