you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
