Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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